Ch 5 - Cancer Conquerors Live

The following is a series of excerpts from chapter 5 of Journeys with the Cancer Conqueror: Mobilizing Mind & Spirit, by Greg Anderson, 1999, Andrews McMeel Publishing, Kansas City, Missouri, previously published under the title: The Cancer Conqueror (1988). Emphasis is added with bold print to draw attention to cancer conqueror traits. Much of the summary is quoted directly from the book, but I also add editorial comments along the way that reflect my own personal convictions, Scriptural support of ideas expressed, as well as research from other resources. These are indicated by italicized print. Portions in blue print that are NOT italicized are direct quotes from another source other than the Bible.    ******************************************************************************
This week the man met with John to discuss his next assignment. He walked into John’s office & found him, unsuccessfully, juggling balls. When John dropped the balls on the floor, he just promised to practice again tomorrow, with a laugh. After exchanging pleasantries, John told the man a story of a handsome prince who was turned into a frog by a wicked witch. Of course, you know how the story goes. The spell could only be broken by a kiss from a beautiful fair maiden. John went into detail about the thoughts that went through the head of the princess who happened upon this poor prince-disguised-as-a-frog, at the edge of a pond, when she was asked for a kiss to break the spell. I’m sure you’ve guessed the ending. She trusted her instincts & kissed the frog, “& the handsome prince appeared. And they lived happily ever after.”

John explained that he went through the story so the man “will remember that our job is to become frog kissers!”
“A frog kisser? What does that mean?”
“What we are talking about, my friend, is love – unconditional love. And the truth is, that kind of love conquers cancer.

(The unconditional love spoken of is not only for others but for ourselves as well. When we love with conditions, we set others &/or ourselves up for failure; we become judge & jury. They/we are sure to fail to meet our expectations, since they/we are human. Then we are disappointed, disillusioned, upset, angry, resentful, depressed, etc.


If we don’t love ourselves, we will not implement the cancer conquering strategies. We don’t feel that we are worth the effort. We don’t respect ourselves enough to take responsibility, as discussed in chapter 2 of this book. In some cases, a person feels he/she doesn’t “deserve” to recover from the disease. He or she is not worthy of such a “blessing.”His or her life is not worth the effort of working toward recovery. They are satisfied to just “accept their fate.” There’s nothing they can do to change the outcome. Couldn’t they at least improve their quality of life by loving themselves enough to work toward recovery? I believe they most certainly would. Have you witnessed the defeatist attitude in a person who replies to a friend’s farewell of, “I’ll see you next week,” by stating, “if I’m still here?” This is not a statement from a person on his or her death bed or who has been given the prognosis of a short time to live, although it certainly sounds as if it is. Cancer Conquerors love themselves & value their lives. They are not egotistical about themselves, but they love themselves as God intends us to love ourselves. These are the people who apply the 8 strategies, which are listed & described, as part of my introduction to this book, that are woven into the journeys with the Cancer Conqueror. They know they are loved & valued by God. They want as much quality as possible out of whatever quantity of time they have to live on this earth – they live life to the fullest, as God intends for us to do. Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, & have life to the full.” We are told, in Jeremiah 31:3b, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” God’s love has no end. Nothing will cause Him to stop loving us. We are very important to God.


Psalm 139:1-6 says, “O Lord, you have searched me & you know me. You know when I sit & when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out & my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind & before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” Imagine how important we are that God knows all these details about each one of us. If we were insignificant, would he bother to know us this intimately? As we understand our worth, we can also understand the worth of others, as it is also measured by God’s unconditional love. We can learn to separate the person from their actions & attitudes; in that way, we are able to love & accept the person, even if we do not love, share, or accept their actions, attitudes, or perspectives.


In Matthew 22:39 Jesus tells us, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Doesn’t this imply that the degree to which you love yourself is the degree to which you will love your neighbor? I think it does.


As long as we are the judge & jury over others &/or ourselves, we project our conditioned “experiences onto the outside world. We assume we are seeing the world the way it is, but we’re not. We’re seeing it as we are – or as we have been conditioned to be. And until we gain the capacity to step out of our own autobiography – to set aside our own glasses & really see the world through the eyes of others – we will never be able to build deep, authentic relationships & have the capacity to influence in positive ways.” Steven R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.


1 Peter 3:8 “. . . live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”)

“If I could give you just one insight on how to conquer cancer,” said John, “it would be to love, to be a frog kisser. And my advice would be to love yourself 1st – to kiss the frog in the mirror.

(John Maxwell, in his book, Winning With People, talks about self image as follows:


“Poet T. S. Eliot observed, ‘Half of the harm that is done in the world is due to people who want to feel important. They do not mean harm. They are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.’ People are like water: they find their own level. A person with a negative self-image will expect the worst, damage relationships, & find others who are similarly negative. Those with a positive self-image will expect the best for themselves. And those who have a self-image that is both positive & accurate are likely to be highly successful, see others as potentially successful, & gravitate to other successful people. As psychologist Nathaniel Branden said, ‘We tend to feel most comfortable, most ‘at home’ with persons whose self-esteem level resembles our own. Opposites may attract about some issues, but not this one.’”


Maxwell continues: “. . . Your image of yourself restricts your ability to build healthy relationships. A negative self-image will even keep a person from being successful. And even when a person with a poor self-image does somehow achieve success, it won’t last because he will eventually bring himself down to the level of his own expectations . . .


“Psychologist & New York Times bestselling author Phil McGraw states, ‘I always say that the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You’ve got to be your own best friend first.’ How can you be ‘best friends’ with someone you don’t know or don’t like? You can’t. That’s why it’s so important to find out who you are & work to become someone you like & respect.”)

“The Cancer conqueror teaches that many people, particularly many cancer patients, grow up with the idea they are somehow flawed & their lack of perfection makes them unacceptable. People who feel like this often act as if they must cover up this central defect if they are to be accepted, if they are to have any chance for love.

“The Cancer Conqueror cites how often cancer patients tend to be perfectionists, overachieving workaholics who repress their real feelings in their busywork. They judge their worth by their work, how well they did it, how much of it they did, & how long they worked at it. And, even when successful, these people often don’t feel good about their accomplishments. They may even resent others for not noticing their work.

“These people want to be judged by what they do – their work – rather than by who they are as individuals. And the trouble is, their good work is never good enough. And the praise, from self & others, is never quite loud enough!

“Because of their profound inner emptiness & their despair, people with this characteristic often come to view all their relationships in terms of finding something to fill the void. This is the conditional love you hear so much about. These people give love, give of themselves, give anything, only on the condition that they get something in return for it.”
“Like what?” asked the man.
“It could be anything. People’s conditions for love are vastly different. Some people want economic security. Some seek fame or power. Others want love & nurturing in return. Most seek approval from others; validation is what psychologists call it. The trouble with behavior that places conditions on love is that it is manipulative. It is conditional, contingent upon getting something back. It is an ‘if love.’ It leads to an even deeper sense of emptiness because it will always fail to satisfy.

(I found this difficult to read, because it pointed a finger at me. I was guilty of “if” love, but I didn’t want to admit it. After my auto accident, in 1999, I had realized that I had been wrapped up in too many activities that robbed my family of time I should have been spending with them. Because I was no longer able to manage multi-tasking & that many activities, it was a blessing that helped keep my priorities straight, in addition to the fact that, having nearly lost my life, I had a healthy appreciation for the fact that EVERY DAY OF LIFE IS A GIFT FOM GOD. Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice & be glad in it.”


I was now realizing that my involvements were, in part, my way of seeking validation & approval from others. Without a doubt I’m a perfectionist & overachiever!!! I repressed my feelings in busyness. I won’t bore you with the entire list of things I did, even as a housewife & mother to seek validation & approval from my parents, grandparents, in-laws & friends. I judged my worth by what I did for my family, by what I did for other people. I had to realize that I was judging myself by the wrong standard!


After my auto accident, I had LOTS of visitors. One day Pastor Darrell Lamos, our associate pastor, was visiting me. At the end of the visit, he asked if there was a particular passage of Scripture I wanted him to read. I could think of a portion of a verse in Psalm 18 but didn’t know which verse it was from; so, I asked him to read Psalm 18. I heard him open his Bible to it & then flip the page back & forth, to see how long it is. He then told me that it is 50 verses long & asked if I wanted him to read all of it. You have to realize that this was not long after the accident. My short-term memory was EXTREMELY short. My attention span was VERY brief, & I could only remember things I was told for a minute or so. Obviously, I have very few memories from that time period; the memories I do have are VERY brief snippets of time! It’s only by God’s grace that my attention span & memory of this circumstance are SO DETAILED & SO LONG. I said, “Yes.” When he finished, he commented that he was surprised at how much of it fit so well with my situation! By the way, I did hear him read the verses I wanted to hear – verses 16&17.


As my short-term memory lengthened & I began to regain the ability to process what had happened to me, physically. I was told that a good friend, who was only a year older than me, had died of a stroke. What a shock! I asked God, “Why did Dave die & I live?” God’s answer was that I may never know, this side of heaven, why Dave died. I lived because He’s not finished with me yet. That answer was enough for a couple of days. I was in awe of the fact that God had spared my life; I couldn’t believe it. I asked again why God had spared my life. He said he loved me; I was special to Him. Of course, I wanted to know what he meant what He meant by saying I was special. I sure didn’t see myself as “special.” Then God said, “Let me ask you a question.” I’m thinking, ‘God is going to ask me a question? This is awesome!’ Of course, I said, “OK.” He said, “What if it was one of your children in this bed instead of you, what would you want for them?”
“I would want the very best for them. You know that, God.”
God asked, “Why?”
I said, “Because they are my child.”
God asked, “Would it make a difference which one it was?”
I said, “No!”
He asked, “Why?”
I said, “Because each of them is special to me; I love them each the same!”
God said, “Now you’ve got it.”
WOW!! I understood. God loves me just because I’m his child, & I’m special just because I’m His child, in the same way that my children are special to me!! What a revelation!!!


Several weeks later, when I was finally home, I pulled out my Bible I read Psalm 18. God confirmed this revelation as I read verses 16-19 “He reached down from on high & took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” I thought about the phrase, ‘he rescued me because he delighted in me.’ God delighted in ME? Who am I that God would delight in me? I don’t begin to compare with the likes of the Psalmist, David, or with the likes of Moses, Abraham, Elijah, Job, Paul, etc. Are you talking to me, God? He was.


It was at this point that God reminded me of the conversation we had concerning my being special to Him. Oh, I’m such a slow learner. He delights in me because I’m His child. Thank you, God, for your love & patience! Do you know that God feels the same way about you?)

“On a deeper level, this ‘if love’ prevents the person from understanding his or her true unique self. If you are always spending energy determining the degree to which your expectations are being met & the degree to which you will return love, you’ll never be able to understand the true you. The ego is always seeking fulfillment. The true self is never revealed. It is a vicious circle that results in perpetual disappointment, deepening emptiness, & personal despair. All precursors of illness.”
“Are you saying that I love conditionally?” asked the man.
“Yes. I do, you do, we all do,” answered John. “At times in our life, we all love with ifs. The trouble is, it doesn’t stop there. That despair born of loneliness often leads to something even more insidious – Judgmentalism.

“This is the stage where people are constantly critical of people & circumstances that are different from their own views. The Cancer Conqueror points out that many people were brought up with a lot of shoulds, oughts, & have tos.

“It’s a miserable existence. . . The vicious circle – disappointment, emptiness, & despair – continues.”

(Please note: There are exceptions to every rule. He is not saying this is true of 100% of cancer patients. I’m sure you & I can both think of people who have, or who have had, cancer who are exceptions. In fact, you may be an exception. I hope you are.


We can all get caught in judgmentalism, from time to time; I know I can. It’s important that we do not allow it to dominate our thoughts. If we keep in mind what we’ve learned about psychoneuroimmunology (PNI), we don’t want to suffer physical consequences of continual negative thoughts, opinions, &/or attitudes.


Matthew 7:1-2 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For the same way you judge others, you will be judged, & with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”)

John smiled. “We’re going to talk about how conquering cancer requires us to live, laugh & love. But to do that, we need this perspective on judgmental & conditional love. The Cancer Conqueror once traced how crucial unconditional love really is. She believes that all disease has a lack of love at its roots. She explains how love that is judgmental & conditional leads to depression & thus allows physical vulnerability. Can you grasp her point? She even goes so far as to say that she feels all healing has at its roots the ability to give & receive unconditional love.”

("Laughter in and of itself cannot cure cancer nor prevent cancer, but laughter as part of the full range of positive emotions including hope, love, faith, strong will to live, determination and purpose, can be a significant and indispensable aspect of the total fight for recovery." -Harold H. Benjamin, PhD


“There have always been doctors who have emphasized the importance of a 'will to live' in fighting serious diseases. Most recently, this banner has been carried nobly by Dr. Bernie Siegel. He emphasizes the importance of hope, determination, optimism and a 'fighting spirit' among patients who are battling cancer.


“. . . Cancer patients with a fighting spirit were most likely to be long-term survivors, and have no relapses. Short-term survivors were more likely to show a 'stoic, stiff upper lip attitude,' and to continue their lives either as if nothing were different, or with a sense of helplessness or hopelessness.


“The question, of course, is how do you go about generating or sustaining hope, optimism, determination and a fighting spirit if these are not qualities you've shown throughout your life. LOVE AND YOUR OWN SPIRITUALITY ARE IMPORTANT AOURCES OF THIS HOPEFUL & OPTIMISTIC ATTITUDE [emphasis added]. ANOTHER SOURCE IS YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR [emphasis added]. It is no coincidence that so many cancer survivors credit their sense of humor for getting them through their ordeal. Humor helps overcome and work through the trials of each day, and when you find a way of laughing in the midst of your problems, you automatically shift toward a frame of mind that invites a hopeful outlook and a conviction that you can beat this disease.


“So make it your goal to learn to find something to laugh at every day, and to take yourself a little less seriously, as you continue to take your illness and your treatments very seriously.” Excerpt from Health, Healing and the Amuse System: Humor as Survival Training, by Dr. McGhee


“For people living with cancer, it may seem strange to find humor when facing such serious issues. Yet, laughter can be helpful in ways you might not have realized or imagined.


“Laughter can help you feel better about yourself and the world around you. Laughter can be a natural diversion. When you laugh, no other thought comes to mind. Laughing can also induce physical changes in the body. After laughing for only a few minutes, you may feel better for hours.


“When used in addition to conventional cancer treatments, laughter therapy may help in the overall healing process.


“According to some studies, laughter therapy may provide physical benefits, such as helping to:
• Boost the immune system and circulatory system
• Enhance oxygen intake
• Stimulate the heart and lungs
• Relax muscles throughout the body
• Trigger the release of endorphins (the body’s natural painkillers)
• Ease digestion/soothes stomach aches
• Relieve pain
• Balance blood pressure
• Improve mental functions (i.e., alertness, memory, creativity)
Laughter therapy may also help to:
• Improve overall attitude
• Reduce stress/tension
• Promote relaxation
• Improve sleep
• Enhance quality of life
• Strengthen social bonds and relationships
• Produce a general sense of well-being”
http://www.cancercenter.com/complementary-alternative-medicine/laughter-therapy.cfm )

"I don’t understand. What does this mean?" asked the man.
"Just think of live, laugh, & love. First we must live; we must appreciate the power of health’s intangibles, especially the beliefs & attitudes that are rooted in hope. This is a very real hope that we can live positively here & now, even with cancer.

"And laugh, to mobilize humor, to help maintain the perspective that life still holds great joy.

"And love. It means that our task becomes learning to give & receive unconditional love. It means to stop judging.
"Live. Laugh. Love. That is our new aim.
"The Cancer Conqueror puts this in clear perspective when she talks about 3 valid standards by which to judge. She feels there are moral standards, legal standards, & laws-of-nature standards. . .

“If someone’s behavior doesn’t break a moral, legal, or natural law, forget it! Don’t judge it! If we can release ourselves from judgmental behavior, we are then free to live, laugh, & love. When we make positive, joyful, unconditional love – living, laughing, loving – our aim, it forms a powerful basis for health & healing. . .

“Love is not merely emotional. It is physiological. In a real sense, love can always conquer cancer & often cures it too!”

(Cory Quirino, of the Inquirer.net, states, in his February 20, 2006 article, “While no one has directly proven that love cures illness, it has been well-documented that the opposite is true—people who are constantly depressed, angry, anxious, stressed and wanting are at high risk of contracting all kinds of diseases.” He continues by saying, “Folk wisdom says falling in love is the best and only way to prevent catching a cold in winter. This means that, long before medical research was done, love was already considered an immune booster. It is said that love provides homeostatic balance.” Living in an atmosphere of love, having a loving spirit & experiencing God’s love in our lives, undoubtedly, contributes to our quality of life.


I believe Anderson makes this statement based on the studies conducted for psychoneuroimmunology. As stated in chapter 4, "Research has indicated that an [inseparable] chemical link exists between our emotions, which includes all stress in our lives, BOTH GOOD & BAD, & the regulatory systems of the [hormonal] & immune systems through the central nervous system [emphasis added].” Also, realize that he is writing, at the time the original book was published, from the perspective of having conducted over 15,000 interviews with cancer survivors, who were given a terminal diagnosis – no chance of survival. After conducting these interviews, Anderson discovered 8 strategies survivors have in common. This strategy – Cancer Conquerors Live – is one of those strategies. The overriding principles of this strategy are learning to love unconditionally & to nurture joy in your life. Anderson has equated the application of this principle with the cure of these survivors' cancer, which SEEMS to be a reasonable conclusion, but it is a very short-sighted application of it. 


The following approach is a safer& more realistic perspective:
David R. Hamilton, Ph.D. describes numerous, specific experiments & studies that demonstrate the link between reducing stress & the improvement of a host of indicators of health, including the functioning of the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, immune system, & even the emotional health, of cancer, asthma, & rheumatoid arthritis patients. In all cases, the studies showed that it was the reduction in stress that most improved the patients’ physical & emotional health & reduced the necessity for medical visits. The reduction of stress was achieved through psychological therapy, emotional support, writing their deepest thoughts & feelings about a stressful experience or positive thoughts & feelings about their illness, small group therapy sessions, or teaching them relaxation techniques.


Hamilton sums up his discussion with these thoughts: “. . . not everyone who suppresses negative emotions will get cancer, or even become ill. These studies reflect a set of scientific experiments that homed in on a particular area, which is often the case in science. THERE ARE A LARGE NUMBER OF COMPETING FACTORS THAT CAN CAUSE CANCER & ACCELERATE THE COURSE OF ANY DISEASE [emphasis added].
“Also, even though there is an obvious link between emotion & the immune system, this does not mean that every time you are emotionally low your immune system will be weakened. Nor does it mean that every time you are happy your immune system will be strengthened. THERE ARE MANY FACTORS THAT CAN AFFECT THE IMMUNE SYSTEM, & EMOTION IS ONLY ONE OF THEM [emphasis added].
“Occasional anger, for example, is unlikely to cause any heart problems. Despite the evidence of the effects of anger on the heart, even regular anger may not be unhealthy, as it may provide a well-needed emotional release. Conversely, care, compassion, or appreciation may not make everyone healthy.
“But in general, due to the body-mind relationship, a healthy mind will have a positive influence on the health of the body. So whatever you can do in your life to improve your mental & emotional health – whether that is adopting a more positive attitude to life, [praying], laughing, choosing to appreciate life, choosing to be more caring & compassionate, or talking through any issues & pain with a friend, colleague, or therapist – there will most likely be benefits to your health.
“The choice is yours!”

Psalm 119:88a “Preserve my life according to your love.”
Psalm 143:11-12 “For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”


It is our loving God who works through our lives to conquer cancer & who has designed our bodies with intricate biological systems that work together to fight illness & disease; it has the ability to heal from injuries, surgery & illness. We need to supply it with water, the proper nutritional fuel, sufficient physical activity & adequate rest to optimize its efficiency in carrying out these tasks.)

John stopped as the man finished his notes. “It all relates to another facet of frog kissing, acceptance versus approval. It’s the difference between accepting people for who they are versus approving of them for what they do, their behavior. This applies not only to how you relate to others but especially to how you see yourself. . .

“The key is to learn to truly accept your worth as a person even though you may not approve of your behavior. . .
“Our task is to accept others not approve of others.
“Accepting & not approving removes me from having to be the judge, doesn’t it?” asked the man.

“That’s it,” John agreed enthusiastically. “That’s precisely it. It’s so fundamental to well-being. You see, when we judge, we don’t really see the other person, or ourselves, as whole. Most of us were brought up in an environment where the emphasis was on supposedly constructive criticism. This is usually a disguise for faultfinding. When we judge, we find fault & almost invariably label that person, or ourselves, as unworthy. . .

“But if we can simply separate people from their behavior, we then find much to lovingly accept & celebrate. We go from being faultfinders to becoming lovefinders! Only then can we hear that strong inner voice saying, ‘I love you & accept you just as you are.’

“I changed my entire experience of life when I realized that other people do not have to change for me to love them. Instead, I have to change for me to love them! Isn’t that a revolutionary thought?”

John jumped to his feet & waved his arms. “Our first job is to go from faultfinder to lovefinder – of ourselves & of others. We can make that choice. It depends on us! It’s within our control. Isn’t that wonderful? Instead of judging we can live, laugh, & love. Isn’t that a happy thought?”

(John 15:12 “My command is this: love each other as I have loved you.”
Ephesians 4:2 “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
1 Peter 3:8 “. . . live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”
Luke 6:37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
We suck the joy out of our lives when we play the role of faultfinder, but we increase our joy & share more love as we consciously make an effort to look for the good in others.)

The man smiled. You felt a sense of joy seeing John wave his arms exuberantly & hearing him talk about love in his booming voice. And the man had to admit, there was hope in this frog-kissing message.

“There’s happiness in this outlook, isn’t there?” asked the man. “Frog kissing leads to joy, doesn’t it?”

“You’re terrific!” said John. “I can see you’re going to conquer cancer because you’re so open to these principles. You’ve already grasped the next step in live – joy! With love there comes happiness. And with happiness, joy is possible.

“You know, inside each of us is a child – the good non-manipulative, fun-loving, filled-with-joy little person who needs to be nourished. The Cancer Conqueror believes that most cancer patients have failed for years to appropriately nurture this inner child. And by not honoring the child’s real needs, they may be contributing to their illness or inhibiting their recovery.”

(It’s so easy to get caught up in taking care of one’s responsibilities that we don’t take the time to play – nurture our inner child. In fact we can feel as if play is acting immature or irresponsible. However, it is actually a means of relieving stress & experiencing joy. It is beneficial to pursue opportunities that take us away from the everyday cares of life. We laugh more & feel more relaxed, even if we are doing something quite strenuous.


My grandkids are such a blessing! They give me permission & reasons to play. It’s enjoyable to color a picture, to play with play-doh, build with building blocks or Lego blocks, read a silly children’s book, play peek-a-boo, interact with them as they pretend, invent games with the toys at hand, spending time with them in the pool, take pictures of them, sing toddler & Sunday school songs, especially ones that have hand motions that go with them, etc.


I also love flower gardening. It’s often hard work, but the results are well worth it! I love seeing the yard sprinkled with color, in every direction! The time spent outdoors becomes a time to fellowship with God. I think about all the beauty God has created & praise him. I pray for others & pray over matters of concern. Digging in the dirt is, for me, joyful.


We travel as often as possible. This is another way for us to “play,” as a couple. We have the opportunity to get away from the distractions of everyday life & relax & do fun activities we wouldn’t do if we were at home.


Of course, I have been bitten by the shutterbug, so I LOVE to take pictures. I can get caught up in taking pictures of my grandkids, my flowers, nature, & vacations sites. It brings me great joy to take the pictures & to find gems among them to then hang on our walls. In fact, my walls are my gallery. After taking 3 photography classes [one was Fine Arts photography – taking photos as art], I have accumulated quite a collection of photos. They bring me joy. I feel challenged to capture additional art photos. It’s a positive, playful challenge, though.


I have several other things I would like to do, such as hang gliding & parasailing, which I have not had the opportunity yet to do. When the opportunity arises, I WILL seize the moment!)

John explained that he used to deny the needs of his inner child because he felt he had matured & didn’t need to laugh & play. He now knew he was wrong, & his needs to honor his inner child were very strong.

John stated, “To me, joy is giving life a big hug, embracing all the beauty & wonder & goodness there is in this world. Joy is not how much you possess but how much you enjoy. . .

“The second part of finding joy, of letting the inner child come out, is action. Simply put, we need to allow time for play.”
“Play?” questioned the man.
“Yes, play.” John smiled. “That kid inside needs time to play every day.”
John found it helpful to use the nickname Buddy for his inner child, since this was his nickname as a youngster, & he liked it.

“A helpful perspective for me was when the Cancer Conqueror suggested that we think of the part of us that got cancer as this inner child. Then an important part of our task becomes taking care of that child, nurturing the child back to health, helping the child conquer cancer. So when I ask Buddy what he needs to stay well, I’m trying to get in touch with myself attitudinally, emotionally, & behaviorally on a very foundational level. Buddy invariably wants me to honor his needs to experience laughter, play & joy. I listen. I now honor those needs.” John smiled again.

“When you talk to your inner child,” said John, “you might want to do what the Cancer Conquer suggests. She had me write down 50 different things I can do, actual activities I feel will bring me fun & produce joy in my life. Just try that exercise. It was difficult for me to find 50 items at first. I suppose my child was so undernourished that he had forgotten how to play. But now my list has more than 150 activities -- & it’s still increasing.”

“That’s wonderful,” said the man. “But I think I’m going to have trouble coming up with even 10 ways to play.”

“You’ll learn,” said John. “I found that it was important for me just to block out time to play. In the beginning there were some days that I didn’t do a thing. But just scheduling the time was most helpful. And soon I began to fill that time with enjoyable activities. . .

“Play is much more than an activity; it is an attitude that generates energy for healing. And notice you’re never too tired to play. If we think we are tired, perhaps it’s the strongest signal that we need play now. Honor your inner child’s fundamental needs.”

“Thanks for giving me permission to play,” said the man. He chuckled. “You know, I already feel better. Just the idea of frog kissing, maybe that’s even better! I’m going to become a positive, passionate, playful frog kisser! How about that?”

“As healthy & healing as being a playful frog kisser might be, there’s something even better.”
“What is that?” asked the man.

“Well, all the love in our hearts, all the joy in the world, resolving all our problems, even changing all our beliefs, is empty without one essential ingredient. I once heard a person describe it this way. All our efforts are like a long string of zeros. They mean nothing without a digit in front of them. That digit is peace of mind.”
The man was quiet.

“You see, peace is the ultimate destination of the conquering cancer journey. The goal is to create peace of mind, not just to cure cancer. Peace is perhaps the finest way to allow the body’s powerful healing mechanisms to function.”

(Proverbs 14:30a “A heart at peace gives life to the body.” The only way to know true & lasting peace is through God.


Bernie Siegel, MD, in the article, Waging War Against Cancer Versus Healing Your Life, states the following:
“When we focus on waging a war or fighting a battle versus healing our lives and bodies we are interfering with the healing process . . .


“. . . When our minds and bodies are involved in a battle and a war our response is one of protection. That means we are prepared to run for our lives as our blood is diverted to parts of our brain and bodies which help us to escape. Stress hormone levels are elevated and immune function is suppressed during this time.


“When we are involved in healing and see life as a labor pain of self birthing then the side effects are diminished and our body is reprogrammed to grow and heal as the stress level is reduced and immune function enhanced. What impressed me years ago and has kept me involved in mind body work is learning from the people who don’t die when they are supposed to.


“Women live longer than men with the same cancers and so do married men compared to single men. The reason is not female hormones and sleeping with them but their relationships and connections . . .


“Another patient of mine was a landscaper who developed stomach cancer when he retired. He delayed surgery, because it was spring time, to go home and make the world beautiful, ‘So if I die I’ll leave a beautiful world.’ When I told him post-operatively that I couldn’t remove all the cancer and he needed chemotherapy and perhaps radiation he said, ‘You forgot something. It’s still spring time; I am going home to make the world beautiful. So if I die I’ll leave a beautiful world.’ John died at age ninety-four with no sign of cancer.


“These were people who were living each day and not involved in avoiding dying. They accepted their mortality and lived meaningful lives. How many of us truly do what feels good for us to do and are capable of saying no to things that we do not want to do?


“When you heal your life and find peace of mind your body gets the message too. Everything I am saying is scientific. We are capable of genetic changes and spontaneous reversals just as bacteria, viruses and plants do to resist antibiotics, vaccines and environmental changes. Our genes become active in response to the internal environment. Most women with a gene for breast cancer do not develop it. Twin sisters with the gene for breast cancer do not both develop the disease. The sister more likely to do so is the one who internalizes her anger and spends her life pleasing her parents and everyone else.


“I am not saying this to place blame but to awaken you to the choices you have in your life. We are changed internally by the way we act. If I put you in a play, as an actor, I can enhance your health in a comedy and damage it in a tragedy. I know two patients who tired of their therapy, went home with extensive cancer and ‘Left their troubles to God.’ And their cancers disappeared. No wars just peace.


“So go and find what is right for you as treatment for your disease. If you are afraid of dying then do everything everyone suggests. If it is doing what is right for you and what brings you peace then go with it and know you will have fewer side effects when you decide which labor pains are worthwhile and of your choosing. I meet people who hate vegetables and would prefer chemotherapy as treatment so they can enjoy their meals at home with the family. The choice of the road to healing is yours.


“Remember we all die some day and if you do things to not die you will be very bitter when you get to Heaven. The way to beat cancer is related to how you live your life and the experience and what you teach others. None of us will live forever. Death is neither a failure nor losing the battle, though again, the way most doctors talk you would think it is.” http://www.cancercenter.com/ )

“Okay,” said the man, “I like what you’re saying, but really what is personal peace? And how do I go about achieving it?”

“Good questions,” said John. “I like the definition the Cancer Conqueror teaches: ‘Personal peace is transcending oneself in order to nurture inner harmony.’ Let’s give this definition a closer look.

“First, personal peace is transcending. This idea is that personal peace requires intent & choice & action. It is not some chance occurrence. And personal peace transcends self – meaning that the decision is consciously made to set aside self-limitations of fear, anger, & guilt & to rest upon the unshakable foundation of spiritual tranquility . . . Resting on that foundation, there is our goal.

“You see, it isn’t so much the physical aspects as it is the inner aspects, the emotional & spiritual components, that make for personal peace. This is especially true for the cancer patient. When we realize that peace of mind is independent from our physical condition, true healing has begun.”

“How do I achieve this peace? How do I work to make this a way of life?”

John began, “You know, of all the changes the Cancer Conqueror encouraged me to make, the daily pursuit of personal peace has had the single most dramatic effect on my outer & inner life. If there was one change I could point to that most altered my daily schedule, one with the greatest potential for healing, it would be this pursuit – seeking the profound personal peace that is available to all of us. I do practice quite time, a daily dose of tranquility, that gets me in touch with the deeper levels of personal peace that are always waiting there for me to access.”

John describes his 2, 15-minute daily sessions of quiet time. They include relaxation techniques, visualization, & meditation.

(While I am a proponent of relaxation techniques & visualization, I am cautious in terms of using the term meditation. As I read John’s description of meditation, I see it as self/inward-focused & void of any spiritual component. For me, meditation includes meditating on Scripture, prayer, & listening for God’s direction.


I, also, look to Scripture to find personal, inner peace. The classic portion of Scripture that gives us the formula for finding God’s peace that transcends understanding is Philippians 4:4-8 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts & your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” If you remember, joy, which gives rise to rejoicing, is not the same as happiness, which is dependent upon our circumstances. Joy comes from our sense of security & well-being that we have in our relationship with Jesus Christ. There is always reason to rejoice. God is always in control. He never leaves us or forsakes us. His love never fails us. He is always ready & available to help us & to give us strength to meet each challenge in our lives. The list could go on & on. . .


The simple command, do not be anxious about anything, seems too simplistic for our human minds to grasp. The big question is, HOW? It’s the second half of the sentence that tells us how. The prayer & petition part is obvious; however, the thanksgiving part is more essential than we might imagine. Through thanksgiving & praise we open our minds to God’s greatness, acknowledge his power, and begin to accept that what we are asking is in the realm of possibilities with God. Applying the principles of these verses is a process, which requires practice & spiritual growth, to learn to apply them consistently to the circumstances & challenges of our lives so that we experience the peace that is promised. I wholeheartedly endorse a daily quiet time, to develop a living, personal relationship with God, as our source of eternal life, strength, hope, & peace.)

John said, “I am suggesting you have significant control over your immune system, your natural defense against cancer.”
“Is this more of the psychoneuroimmunology [PNI] I’ve previously studied?” asked the man.

(I was excited to learn about PNI. It removes the objection over deception with the placebo effect, which I discussed in the last chapter. The science of PNI expands the placebo effect to include a much broader approach to the mind-body-spirit connections, & it offers scientific evidence of the biological events that occur in our bodies that explain how & why these connections contribute to illness & disease, as well as contribute to our recovery from them.)

“It is,” said John. “And the primary technique for consciously stimulating our immune system is using creative imagination . . . One researcher called it healing with brain chemistry. Our immune defenses tend to weaken under stress. Quiet time with relaxation exercises & creative imagination may be one of the best ways to better manage the biochemical results of stress. We thus keep our resistance high.”

“Do I hear you saying that in addition to my emotions influencing my immune system, I can also consciously enhance the functioning of my immune system?”

John spoke firmly & with deep conviction. “I am saying that creatively & consciously imagining our immune systems functioning effectively may indeed enhance it. I am also recognizing that the immune system may be positively triggered as the roadblocks of fear, anger, & guilt are replaced with love, joy, & peace. And I am suggesting that as we imagine malignant cells eliminated, & as we imagine ourselves as healthy, whole, & feeling well, our entire being – body, mind, & spirit – will move in the direction of health. That is something we cherish & for which we can strive!”

The man was skeptical; so, John did an experiment, with more detail than is given here. He asked the man to close his eyes. He then told him to close his eyes & imagine that he goes to the refrigerator in his kitchen & finds a bright, firm lemon. His fingers run over the texture of its skin to feel the shape. Sees the color. He’s to lift it to his nose & smell its sharp, pungent odor. Then he’s to walk to the counter & use a paring knife to cut it in half, & to then cut one half in half. He’s to smell the aroma as the juice runs over his fingers. He’s to then bring one of the wedges to his nose to deeply inhale its fragrance. Then he’s to put the lemon wedge between his teeth & bite down hard. He’s to taste the strangely tart juices as they roll over his tongue & throughout his mouth.

“Okay, okay!” The man laughed. “You’ve made your point. I can’t believe the amount of saliva that produces!”

“The fact is,” said John, “the body cannot tell the difference between what is actually taking place & what you are imagining is taking place. This principle is at the heart of what I was saying about the vital importance of imagining our immune systems functioning effectively. Does this example do anything to shift your thinking about this being some sort of deception?”
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At the end of the narrative is an instructional section titled:
Live: Nurturing a Sense of Joy

In the midst of this crisis, we can learn what is important, & we can act on what will be the redemptive legacy of this unwanted experience. We can learn to live.

Joy, the sense of well-being evoked by an awareness that life is truly a special gift, is central to our understanding. Joy is delight in life no matter what the circumstances.

Start making your list of 50 different things you can do, actual activities you feel will bring fun & produce joy in your life. Come on. Pull out a sheet of paper & start writing.


You know you want to play. Where’s your inner child? Do any of the activities on your list reflect the desires of your inner child?


This journey really got the wheels of my mind turning. The first time I read it, I thought of some activities for my list. The second time I read it, to summarize it for my blog site, I thought of some more. When I decided to redo the summaries, I added additional editorial notes to this chapter that I am VERY excited to share with you!


I wish there was someone, in or near our local area, trained in humor therapy. A 2-day workshop is available, to become a Certified Laughter Leader through World Laughter Tour, Inc. Their web site provides information about the organization, clubs, & their training. http://www.worldlaughtertour.com/ It sure does sound like a FUN idea to have a laughter leader as a guest speaker at a cancer support group meeting.


There are aspects of the man’s journey, in this chapter, that touch on issues I have dealt with personally & have witnessed in talking & corresponding with other cancer patients that I know are very critical issues. I pray that my illustrative choices, from Scripture, my personal stories, & other resources, will inspire readers to prayerfully reconsider their perspectives.


Since my auto accident, in 1999, my brain works in a more childlike fashion, & my faith is also much more childlike. Prior to the accident, I thought my faith was simple, but I could over-think it & make it much too complicated! Now, I just take God at his word. I want depth in my relationship & depth in my study of Scripture & biblical principles, but I don’t over-analyze them. If I ask God a question, I expect him to answer, as a child would. His answers come in a variety of ways. God knows me better than I know myself, & he knows exactly how to answer me in a way that I will recognize him. “He who belongs to God hears what God says.” John 8:47 Praise God!! I wouldn’t want to make this journey without God. Without Him I could not be a Cancer Conqueror.


As much as we all seek mountain top experiences, I’ve learned that all the fertilizer is in the valleys of life. It’s in those valleys that God has helped me to cultivate the soil so that I’ve grown as a human being & spiritually. I can now understand James 1:2-4. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature & complete, not lacking anything.” God is still working on me; I’m a work in progress.