Ch 1 – Lessons From the Past

Original post 2/15/08

In September of 1985, my mother, who was 49, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Although advances had been made in the treatment of breast cancer, it was still, for most patients, a death sentence.

She had a mastectomy & the lymph nodes under her arm removed. When the pathology showed that the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes I was not optimistic.

Within 6 weeks, she was scheduled for a complete hysterectomy, which I was told was related to the breast cancer, but I did not fully understand how. I did not know what questions to ask.

My mother made me and my 2 sisters promise that we would have yearly mammograms when we reached age 40. (I’ve kept my promise.) My mother never had yearly mammograms. She was always afraid of doctors & afraid of bad news. She avoided both like the plague. In fact, my dad later told me that she knew for a year that she had a lump in her breast but refused to go to the doctor to have it checked, because she was afraid it was malignant. I thought that was the dumbest reason for not having it checked. This is the very reason I vowed to keep my promise to have yearly mammograms & to never ignore a lump if I detected one.

My mother began chemotherapy, but she did not finish the set number of treatments because they made her so sick.

In December of 1988, she visited the oncologist for a checkup & a complaint of a pain in her chest. A bone scan revealed that her cancer had metastasized to her ribs. She underwent radiation treatments. The cancer continued to spread. She underwent chemotherapy. The cancer continued to spread. She fought the battle with cancer until November 28, 1990.

My mother’s faith in God gave her strength. Although she fought the battle with strength and courage, she also went through times of deep depression. My dad and those of us who supported and prayed for her did what we could to help and to encourage her during those times, as we lifted her up in our prayers & helped her in any way we could. Sometimes, her anger, over the disease robbing her of life, was misdirected. In hindsight, we recognize this. At that time, it was hard to understand where it was coming from. Why was she mad at the whole world? Isn’t it funny how hindsight helps us to see things from a different perspective?

It’s not an easy road to travel for the one who has cancer or for the family members. It takes a lot of patience, understanding, willingness to forgive human weaknesses, and a willingness to be emotionally and physically supportive of each other. Apart from faith in God, maintaining a relationship with God and healthy relationships with each other that include open communication, I don’t know how this can happen. A network of supportive friends is also a huge advantage. If these relationships are not strong before such a diagnosis, they are nearly impossible to build in the midst of dealing with the multitude of things that bombard you upon learning that you have such a disease. My heart aches for those who travel the road alone!

How I praise God for my salvation, my relationship with God, my husband, Ed, and the wonderful relationships I share with Ed & my kids, kids-in-law and grandson: Steven, Kelly & Parker; Lisa & Dave; & Kristy! The networks of supportive friends at Penn College & Christ Wesleyan Church are also wonderful blessings. I am so richly blessed!